Beach Vacation - Part 1

Sorry for the long break - We have been on vacation for nearly 2 weeks. We went to the beach at South Padre Island. Yes it was totally awesome. But before you start getting too jealous, let me give you a glimpse into the ride down there. You might change your mind.

We had to stop the car 5 times for bathroom breaks. This was all within the first 2 hours of leaving Fort Worth. I quit counting after the 5th time.

67 or more- The number of times we heard, "Are we there yet? What's taking so long? Where are we?"

The long car ride made the kids invent some interesting games. At one point, I heard my sweet #2 child yell, "Mommy, I caught the devil." Um, yeah, Todd and I were speechless too. At this point, we tried to tune into a radio station (our tape deck was broken).

Well, all we could pick up was rap music. Who would have guessed since we were on highway 281, which is total Texas country land. Anyway, we jammed out to "Whoomp there it is." Good times.

We could only handle a rap or two so after that, Todd and I decided we should probably talk to each other. Strengthen our bonds of marriage or whatever. This is how most conversations started.

Conversation #1

Me: "I think I might want to be a body builder."

Todd: "Wow - that's scary!"

Me: "What - Why?"

Todd: "You on Roids - yikes."

Conversation #2

Todd: "Just when you think you've met all the cool people in the world, you meet more cool people."

Me: (I didn't respond, just trying to figure out what in the world he was talking about since we were in the middle of nowhere looking at cows and wheat)

Conversation #3

I notice that the liner on the outside of the windshield started flapping up on the passengers side where I was sitting. We were going 80 mph. Thinking I could be facing death soon I ask Todd,

Me: "Do you think the windshield is going to crash in?"

Todd: "Doesn't matter, we have insurance."

I was only slightly offended.

After all this great bonding we decided to just look out the window. Only 6 hours left.

My run in with the Police

I have 4 kids ages 7,5, 4, & 1 1/2. They are great kids but lately they have been getting into the habit of taking their seat belt buckles off when we are driving around. Not a big deal if you live on a farm or somewhere remote but we live in a major Texas city.

Anyway, it was really driving me crazy having to stop and buckle up the kids and give them the speech "if I got in a wreck, you could die." For some reason, that just doesn't faze them.

So this morning, I visited my local police station. I went inside and asked for a really tough looking police officer. The receptionist gave me a weird look so I quickly explained that I needed him to give my kids a speech. She went to fetch him.

A few moments later, a big copper came and he looked tough! He even had the aviator shades on and everything. It was great. He said, "Mam can I help you?"

Me: " My kids keep taking their buckles off. Can you give them a little speech about how important it is they keep them on?"

Cop: "Am I on a hidden video?"

Me: (now feeling slightly foolish) "Uh no, just me, hahah (nervous laugh)

Cop: "OK. But I am not in the business of scaring kids."

Me: "Can't you scare them just a little?"

Cop: no answer

Me: " Can you also say something about how they need to eat their fruits and vegetables everyday?"

He didn't answer again. I feel like a dork and I know they are silently memorizing my license plate number so they can look me up later.

We then proceed to the car where my kids were waiting for their "surprise." The police man looks in and proceeds to tell them to wear their buckles at all times or their mommy would go to jail.

Needless to say, they were speechless. I was of course holding in my laughter, trying not to snort. It was awesome.

He also told them to eat all their fruits and vegetables so they would be good little kids. They nodded in agreement. Landon, my 4 year old, he was frozen still.

Anyway, worked out great. They kept their buckles on and came home and everybody immediatly asked for an apple.

I highly recommend this little outing.

I'm Humbled

Dear friends,
Todd and I are humbled by all the prayers, encouraging words and meals that we received this past week. You all are the picture of Christ's love. Many blessings to all of you.

The Kind of Parent I Am

The other day my friend called. Did I mention she is the Pastor's wife? So my sweet friend asks what I was doing. Hmmm. How exactly do I answer?

My friend who is a great mom was probably teaching her kids bible verses or filling their minds with the things of God. You know, the good stuff.

Should I tell her what I am about to do or what I am currently doing.
Yep, honesty won out.

Me: "Well, I am, uh, actually teaching my kids the dance to Napoleon Dynamite."

(slight pause . . . Then me making excuses quite fast. )

"It's really clean you know and I am about to start dinner. Good exercise etc."

Before you start to question my parenting skills, admit it, you wish you could do that dance too. It's totally awesome. Most of you have probably already tried it but do it in secret.

Next party, I will show you my skillz.

(My friend did call back in case you were wondering)

I Have Officially Entered Middle Age

I turned the big 30 this past Sunday. Some of you may be shocked because you thought I was already in my 30's due to my maturity, wisdom, and the fact I have a million kids already.

Many of my friends tell me they just "loooove" being in their 30's. I think they are trying to syke themselves out or something.

Although I have done a ton of great things in my life up to now, there were still a few things I wished I would have done in my 20's. Below are a few things that came to mind. For all my friends in their 20's, take note. Because when you reach your 30's, people will be expecting you to act like a grown up.

1. Drive a wickedly cool car, even if you have to rent it. Let's face it, once you have kids, you enter the mini van stage, not exactly a head turner. I always wanted to drive a car with jacked up hydraulics and flashing neon lights. You know you are thinking the same thing deep down inside.

2. Use words like, wicked, you're trippin man, that's dope, off the chain, my peeps, that's the bomb, word up, yo yo homie.

3. Do something physically adventurous. And do it outside. No one will ever be remembered for playing Nintendo or watching every single episode of Friends. For me, I should have tried extreme rock climbing, sky diving, or riding "Mr. Freeze" at six flags. Now I am too chicken.

4. Do something totally funky with your hair, at least once. Add a streak of hot pink or cut it crazy. I can't do it now for obvious reasons. I would look like a complete idiot with 4 1/2 kids at walmart with a punk hairdo.

5. Try out for American Idol - the age cutoff is 28. OK, now this may not be for everyone and I have probably only seen about 3 episodes ever, but I totally think I could have rocked it because of my karaoke skills.

(On a side note, our church is having vocal auditions next week. Maybe I could pretend it was american idol and after I sing, Brian could hand me a yellow sheet and say, "You're going to Hollywood." )

Well, that's about it for now.
Cheers

I'm not dead - just feel like I'm dying!

Sorry friends for the 2 week break. Some of you may know that I am prego with baby number 5 and little cinco is making me the sickest I have ever been. Here are a few things in my life right now that throw me into a tailspin of sickness that is hard to recover from.

1. Todd's deodorant
2. Todd's Listerine
3. Todd's cologne
4. Todd's sunscreen

When I told him these things, he said, "So basically you find me all together repulsive."

I guess from his perspective the list would be a little insulting.

I also can't stand cat food commercials. You know the kind where they dish it out into crystal bowls and it is brown and squishy looking and they are trying to make it look like it is gourmet or something. I am gagging right now recalling the memory.

If you see me, beware, my super mom sense of smell is on high alert.

Coming up tomorrow. Things I want to do before I turn 30.

Garage Sale Adventure

Last week after I dropped the girls off at school, I went to Starbucks and got a coffee. When I got to my neighborhood I noticed that everyone was having a garage sale. I thought let's go check it out. What else do I have to do? All that was waiting me at home was my never ending laundry piles.

I got out of the car with my 2 little ones, which by the way were barefoot and in their pajamas and were a little dirty from breakfast. After all, we were just headed home.

I am carrying my coffee in my right hand just looking at the junk my neighbor was selling. All of a sudden, my right arm just freaks out or something. I have a major muscle spasm and my arm just jerks out of control for no apparent reason.

Well, it was so forceful it popped the top off my Starbucks cup and drenched the front of my shirt. Did I mention that I was wearing a white t-shirt? Yeah it was pretty embarrassing. The owner of the house looked at my really bizarrely and said, "Are you OK?"

I said, "Oh yeah, I'm fine. This happens all the time."

What??? Why did I say that? This never happens. So she is thinking I probably suffer from turrets or some weird muscular problem.

I wandered around a few minutes longer trying to look somewhat normal and not like I was on an outing with my "group therapy" friends and my case worker was lurking by if you know what I mean.

I cross the street and walk up to the next house. This particular owner has a really hip garage sale going on as far as garage sales go. He is offering donuts, coffee and playing music and wearing a really goofy hat and kind of trying to dance to the music. I like this guy I feel at home with all the dorkiness.

I walk over to the coffee and donuts with my 2 kids that look like street kids at this point and the owner says to me, "Would you like some coffee?"

Before I had a chance to respond, he speaks to me in a really loud voice ,"WOW lady, looks like you already had some today!"

He was so loud that everyone turned to look at me or should I say the large brown stain on my shirt.

I just smile and say, "I sure did and it was great."

People were awkwardly trying to avoid me. Not sure if it was the coffee stain or my singing. I mean he was playing some really good music.

Well, I finally rounded up the street kids and headed home, back to normalville. At least for a moment.

Irony

I am driving down the road and the kids are totally out of control and going nuts in the mini v. Obviously speaking before thinking, I yell, "everyone quiet or I am going to pull over and you know what happens then."

" The only noise I want to hear is myself breathing."

(they are quietly laughing at me)

A few seconds pass and I drive by a sign that says "April is child abuse awareness month."

What a week

Well, sorry it has been a week since my last post blogger friends. It's been a busy week. What's kept me away you ask? Maybe I have been spending every free moment bonding with my children, instilling them with valuable life lessons. Or maybe I have been donating my free time to those in need, helping the elderly, feeding the poor, or better yet, maybe I have been cooking meals from scratch and ironing all of Todd's clothes for work and making our home a little slice of heaven for him.

Here is the sad truth. I got a new mouse pad from dell and it stinks so bad. I mean the smell is so noxious that I can't even come near my computer without gagging. Never mind that Todd, the kiddos or even my neighbor who I had come take a test sniff can't smell anything. But believe me, there is a certain rubbery smell that grosses me out. It must be my super mom sense - kind of like spider man and his spidey sense.

You may be wondering how I can manage to type right now. Only my love for you, my 4 devoted blog readers, is pushing me through right now. So I am going to get some coffee and then I will be back to tell you about my night of fun in little Mexico/ the ghetto. curious?

Things I learned in the middle of the night

I was up last night from 12:30-6:30 with a sick kid. I had a few revelations and thought I would pass them on to you.

1. Birds chirp at 1am. . . . right outside my window.
2. People do shop at walmart at 1:45 am. They are just weird, drunk, or crazy like me.
3. Counting sheep does not work (2 am)
4. Warm milk does nothing for inducing sleep. If anything, it makes you want a little snack. (2:10am)
5. I have always heard that watching kids and babies sleep is so peaceful. I must be a bad person. It made me bitter. (3 am)
6. I would not suggest plucking your eyebrows when you are sleep deprived and you can't turn on any lights except your flashlight. You will regret your decision when the sun comes up. (3:20am)
7. Spiders come out when it is dark. Wear socks (3:55am).
8. People can feel you staring at them when they are sleeping.
   They do not wake up happy when they realize you don't need anything. (4:10am)
9. People that tell you to call them anytime, really don't mean it. 5am
10. Only really sleep deprived, whacked out individuals blog before the sun is up.

My Brush With Death

Last night, about 6Pm, Todd and I loaded up the 4 kiddos in the mini -v for a family outing. We were about 1 mile from our home and the tornado sirens started going off like crazy. I look back at Todd (I was driving) and say, hey babe, should we go back home? He says nah. We look at the sky and it is totally bright and sunny, just a little gray way off in the distance. No big deal. I said, "Yeah, they are probably just testing them out."

This should have been warning number 1.

With complete lack of judgement we proceed and get on 35 south headed out to 820. I glance out to the right and it is really black and ominous. I'm thinking this doesn't look good and turn on the radio to catch the weather report. They are telling people to take cover immediately at Texas Motor Speedway because of hail. Ok, that's about 10 or so miles away, we're fine and we go on.

This should have been warning #2.

2 Minutes later the sky is completely black, with low circulating clouds. The radio says a major storm is about to hit us. We exit on 820 to go back home and we are sitting in the access road in major traffic and are told a tornado is near 35 headed our way.

I start freaking out. Kids are crying. Todd is craning his neck looking for a tornado. Traffic is not moving. I told Todd let's just leave our car here and run across the street to a nearby hotel. He said that is stupid. I said dying is stupid.

Traffic finally starts moving and we turn on the street to go home. Weather man says if you are at Beach st & 820, take cover immediately - baseball sized hail. Guess where we were. yep. That exact location.

Almost immediately, our car was pounded with hail. I am screaming "Oh my God we're going to die!" I tell the kids to duck and cover. Todd is yelling at me to quit yelling. I think he was scared.

I pick up my tennis back pack and drive with it over my head because I thought the hail was going to crash through the windows and knock me out and the mini-v would go out of control. I thought this was quick thinking like Jack Bauer but apparently is wasn't. Todd told me later the windshield would not have broken apart. How was I to know that. It's not something I usually talk about.

Then a tornado was reported a few miles where we were. I said Todd pray. He says not right now. WHAT. We are facing death. What was he thinking.

Todd:" God, keep us safe. amen."
The kids crying in fear: " That's not good enough."

More yelling from me that we are all going to die.

Todd makes me pull over although my driving was pretty awesome considering I was driving with one hand, holding a back pack over my head and ducking down during a rain/hail storm. He starts driving. Now I can really freak out from the back seat.

My sweet daughter asks if a tornado is bad. Todd says it can blow your house away. If you are a parent, I would suggest that you never say this. The result is not good.

The hail stops. We make it home and it is sunny again. Crazy Texas weather.

A few lessons learned:
*Tornado sirens go off for a reason.
*Never scream "We are going to die" in front of your kids.
*Near death experiences are not all they are cracked up to be.

Buy This Shirt

It's for a good cause. Some of my friends are walking in the 3 Day Breat Cancer Awareness walk here in Dallas. They need to raise 15K. The shirt if pretty cool and is only $20.
www.queensofthefight.com

Hot Married Talk

Todd: I hear all the fat, bald guys get babes.

Me: (looking at him) 1 out 2 isn't bad.

Doctor Visit

I went for a physical yesterday just for the heck of it . After the doctor checked me out, tested my reflexes (they were fast), listened to my breathing (just fine), took my blood pressure (116/68 for you curious ones out there), the doctor then asked me when my last tetanus shot was. I told her I probably never had one. Well, she told me it was imperative that I get one today. I was feeling a little bit on the naughty side since I had been waiting in the little room for about 1 hour reading the same heart burn advertisement. So I said , why do I need one and is it really necessary? The doctor did not take my questioning her obvious superior intellect very well. She took off her glasses and raised her voice and told me a tetanus infection is very serious and could lead to death, not a joking matter.

I think you see where this is headed.

I asked her about the following scenarios, you know, just in case:

Me: So if I was walking along a dirt road near an abandoned construction site and stepped on a really rusty nail and got a big cut in my foot, would I need a tetanus shot?

Doctor: yes

Me: If I was fishing and a big gust of wind caught my fishing line and the hook came around and stuck me in the arm, or head or somewhere fleshy, would I need a tetanus shot then?

Doctor: most definitely

Me: What if I was mugged by a homeless dude that was covered in old rusty piercings and one of the many piercings scratched me? Would it be necessary then?

Doctor: Do you want the shot or not?
Me: Do I get a lollipop?
Doctor: No

Me: Hmmm, I'll take my chances.

She left in a hurry. They probably coded my chart as a problem patient.

I finally posted some new pics of the kids so if you are interested, click on the link on the right.