Thursday, October 25, 2007

Drive Through Experience

Yesterday I was driving through Shlotzsky's to get a sandwich and I pull up to the window to pay. The guy working the window tells me the total - $7.06. I said cool. I have plenty of change I tell him. He of course could care less.

I then proceed to dig in my coin purse for a nickle. The coins are stuck in the corner and it is taking forever to get them loose. It is now in that awkward stage where he is waiting for me to pay him and I am obviously taking too long, cars are behind us, kids are going wild - you get the picture.

As I look back, I should have just handed him the $10 bill, but I really didn't want anymore change. I finally get the nickle loose and I pull it from the coin purse.

At this moment, my hand kind of spazes out of control and I fling the nickle out of my hand and it hits the window guy right in the middle of his forehead, bounces off and lands outside.

If you know me, I am a loud laugher and always seem to laugh at the wrong time. This was probably one of those times.

Between laughs and snorts, I tell him sorry and give him the $10. I get my sandwich and get out of there quickly.

Why do these things always happen to me?

Thursday, October 18, 2007

You So Wish You Were Me

Let me give you a little run down of a day last week.

1am - 3am - neighbor's giant dog barks non stop, right outside my window. I am having violent thoughts in my head that involve Todd's shotgun.

3:30am - Daughter #2 comes to bed because she is scared. I have only been asleep for 1/2 hour so this was a wonderful blessing. She then proceeds to take my pillow and kick me until morning.

4:30 am - 4 year old son comes to my room and tells me he is so thirsty and do I want him to die or something because I didn't immediately jump up serve him.

7:30 am - Son who was dying of thirst barfs everywhere. If you know me, I am slightly neurotic about vomit.

7:31 1/2 am - yell for son to run to bathroom and stay there. secretly hoping he would want to stay there all day.

7:32 am - go out front to get some fresh air, pray to God while pacing around the front porch like a crazy person.

7:33 am - wave to neighbors, they wave back.

8:15 am - son barfs again. It has been a great morning so far.

8:30 am - discovered Bella (almost 2) has been doing a little body art and colored her entire body with a red sharpie.

10 am - Bella has a massive blowout.

10:01 - I discover I am out of diapers and wipes.

10:02 am - I want to cry.

11:30 am - Lunch - no one wants to eat the wonderful lunch I made. They all ate cheerios.

12 noon - my son who was sick, thought it would be really funny to pretend to barf just to freak me out.

12:30 pm - call a friend and ask them if it really is that bad to discipline out of anger.

1:00 pm - daughter #1 takes the dog's temperature. He then runs out the front door.

1:01 pm - 1:20 - I am chasing our obedient wienie dog around the neighbor hood, barefoot. I am contemplating letting him go on a little vacation.

1:30 pm - my attempt at nap time. Not too successful.

3:00 pm - someone squirted toothpaste all over the bathroom. No one would fess up.

5:00 pm - Todd came home.

5:01 pm - I left to regain my sanity.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Meeting the New Neighbors

As you may recall, back in March I wrote about the incident when I met our new neighbors and how totally cool I was that day. So cool in fact, that they rush straight in their garage everyday, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
Well, we have a new set of neighbors right next door to them. They seem pretty nice. I noticed they work weird hours like 11PM to 4AM or don't go to work for a few days. They have had their carpets cleaned 2 times in about 4 weeks, have no pets and I have never seen them carry in grocery bags. You may be thinking, Sandi, what are you a stalker? Nope, just observant and sometimes I really wish I was a private detective and could spy on people all day, but that is a story for another time.
Anyway, last night they headed out to check the mail together and I thought , perfect, I will go meet them. I rarely see them together, much less in daylight.
I walk up and say, "Hi there. I'm Sandi. I live right there."
They say, "We know. I'm Tina. . . I'm Hugo."
Me: "Wow - Hugo. Awesome name. I totally like it."
Hugo: "Glad to hear that."
Me: "Is that how you really say it in your native language?"
(I am now trying to act nonchalant after I asked this totally inappropriate question.)
Hugo: "Well, actually it is Jugo (sounds like yougo with a little throat action going on). No one here calls me that."
Me: "Oh cool. I will then." *I proceed to say his name a few times the spanish way.*
At this point, Todd who was with me mumbles something and heads back inside. Probably due to extreme embarrassment.
Me: " We have 4 kids."
Tina: "I know. We have heard them."
Me:"Oh, uhh, sorry. They really like playing outside."
I then proceed to tell Hugo about all the hispanic families and 1 columbian family that live on our street and how much I love mexican food and how Todd grew up in El Paso and thinks he's hispanic. I then point out Bella my 1 year old and say she looks hispanic.
(Seriously people. WHAT is the matter with me? I usually have great people skills. Where is all this strangeness coming from? )
Hugo tells me I sure do know what is going on around here. Not sure if it is a compliment.
I tell them bye and I hope to seem them again sometime. Hugo laughs and says, "You are one funny Chica."
I guess I wasn't too offensive after all.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

My Second Career

A few weeks ago, Todd told me to sign a form. I asked what it was. He said, if you sign this, then when I die you will get some $. "Alright! Awesome," I said. Then quickly apologized for my enthusiastic response.
Here is a snippet of the conversation that followed,

Me: "So, will I be set for life?"
Todd : "Not quite."
Me: "Enough to live in Hawaii and surf and collect shells all day. Mourning your loss of course."
Todd: "So thankful for your compassion, but if I die soon, you might have to get a job since you are only 30 and we have 4 little kids and college to think of."
Me: " I could always live with my dad."
Todd: "He said no. Your best bet, would be to get married again."
Me: "WHAT! I could totally support my kids. I bet I could even make more than you!"
Todd: "I don't really see that happening."
Me: "There are millions of things I could do."
Todd: "Like what?"

Well, that got me thinking. The marriage thing would definitely be out because lets face it, who wants to marry a person with FOUR kids and is kind of crazy. Besides, the only man I could attract would be my 60 year old neighbor from Thailand who has a major case of halitosis (bad breath). Todd is my one and only for life, so that took me back to the career thing. . . what would I do . . . here is what I came up with - Things that I would love to do.

1. Be a drummer in a band. I totally could rock the stage and I would be performing when the kids where sleeping. Perfect.
2. Spa tester. Not even sure this exists, but I would go around the world and test out spa's and give them reviews of their service.
3. Go live with the Amish.
3. Get my own cable TV show. This is my personal favorite. I could interview all my friends. Awesome!

Well, the list ends there. So I just told Todd, "Don't die babe."
He said, "Maybe I should take some insurance out on you."

I'm Back

Well friends, sorry for the long break, but I am back with many stories about my crazy life. Thanks to all 4 of my readers that stuck with me. I will try not to disappoint you my blogger friends.