Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I met a gangster. It was awesome

So Friday night I had to go to Walmart to buy some diapers for Bella. If any of you ever dare to go to Walmart on a Friday or Saturday night, you know exactly what kind of crowd is there. Let's just say they aren't your typical stay at home mom types. . . enough said.

As I was standing in line thinking how lame I am to be here on a Friday night, I look at the dude in front of me. He was probably about 18 years old and looked like a gangster. This guy was pretty rough looking, not someone I typically hang out with. But I was thinking "cool", "a real life gangster here in suburnanville." I was hoping he would call some friends so I could hear what was going down on a Friday night.

Anyway, moving on. If you know me, I will talk to anybody and I decided to talk to this guy. He had one foot that was wrapped up in a ton of gauze and I decided to ask what happened. You know, just making polite conversation in checkout line 8.

Me: "Hey Man, what happened to your foot?"
Thug: "I went to the hood last week and this Blood came and shot my foot."
Not quite what I was expecting. . . .It was way better!!
Me: "Ouch, did you loose a toe or two?"
Thug: "Naw, you know when you get shot sometimes. . ."
Me: " Sorry, hasn't happened yet."
Thug: " Yeah, well sometimes when you get shot it just goes like that."
He then proceeded to show me how the bullet brushed over the top of his foot. He used lots of arm motions and was talking loud. I am quite sure everyone heard.

Interesting conversation. I liked it.

He checked out and I told him to avoid those Bloods this weekend. He started laughing and walked off. It was great.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Christmas 2007 - I survived

Well, your lazy blogger friend is back. What can I say, no excuses. I mean, who really wants to read about the time I started pushing the wrong grocery cart, with the wrong kid in it at Target and got the other mom really mad at me. Or when I sang a few songs with the salvation army bell ringer because it was cold outside and he looked lonely and I felt sorry for him and in the process embarrassed my oldest daughter. Also, truth be told, I was kind of curious what it was like to be a bell ringer. Or the time all 4 kids were completely wild and so I put them in their car seats where they were contained and drove around the neighborhood with Christmas music playing so loud I couldn't hear any of them. Good times lately at the Walker home.

Here are the highlights for Christmas 2007 if you want the short version.
1. Two nervous breakdowns
2. Forgot Luggage
3. Forgot presents for all the little cousins
4. 1 Trip to the ER on Christmas day

Anyway, on to the main event. On Christmas eve, we drove to Todd's family for Christmas in Georgetown about 3 hours away, no big deal. When we got there however, I realized that we had forgotten all presents and the older girl's luggage. Now when I say "we" forgot, I use that word loosely if you know what I mean. So at this point, it is late afternoon, I am in a small town that I have never been in before with the daunting task of finding some clothes for Madeline and Savannah, replacement presents for the little cousins, and did I mention I was doing all the cooking on Christmas day and still had to go to the grocery store and buy everything. And it is Christmas Eve, the worst time to shop ever. I think you understand what I was facing. Todd told me it's no big deal. I stare at him thinking he must be having a moment of insanity. No big deal??! I forgave him for that lapse in judgement. Well, here comes breakdown number one.

We get to our destination and all the kids get out. Now if you know me, I rarely cry. I have a high thresh hold for tears and crying. So I am sitting in the car and start crying, full body sobbing. Totally out of character for me. Todd is looking at me with panic all over his face, I'm sure he's thinking I am totally loosing it. He asks me what can he do to help me out. I tell him loudly, "watch our kids and make sure they don't die." He had no comment. And as I remember this I laugh about it. It makes no sense but hey, you act kind of crazy when you have a mental breakdown. That's the whole point. People are more forgiving if you act a little crazy.

So off I go on a mission to get clothes, presents and groceries before all the stores close. To add to my wonderful mental state, I find the saddest song on my ipod and play it over and over again. Probably not the smartest thing to do if you are a little unstable. (FYI - "Everybody Hurts, REM).

I arrive at the grocery store, which is packed of course and go pick up my meat that I pre-ordered. I got a prime rib because I don't do ham and I'm not real big on turkey. Well, I get my meat which is a 6 pound prime rib roast. The butcher asks me if I have ever cooked one before. I say no. He starts laughing and says, "don't screw it up, it's all on you." I really felt like throwing the meat back across the counter at him since I was having a mental breakdown and all, but decided against it. . . I casually glance down at the price thinking it would probably be about $15-$20. Are you ready for this, my hunk of meat cost $75 dollars! yep, and I still had to tell my engineer husband who is very efficient and knows exactly where every penny is and is always trying to be a good steward. This was probably not in his game plan.

I go back, drop groceries off and hurry out to get presents and clothes. I pray, "Oh God, why me, help me." He did. Nothing too exciting here, but had to drop another wad of cash and report it back to the bookkeeper. In case you were wondering, mental state is better.

Todd now wants to know how much the roast cost. I ask him if he really wants to know. I tell him and all the color drains from his face. But he took it well and didn't say anything. He walks off, maybe to have his own mental breakdown? Anyway, it turned out awesome.

Christmas day - chaotic but fun with all the kids running around wild and pumped up on sugar and coke. All the things they never get so they of course loved it.

Christmas evening. Landon my 4 year old football guru limps in the living room crying and screaming how his hip hurts and falls down and can't walk anymore. He can't straighten up and is doubled over. He is one tough little dude so Todd and are getting a little nervous. He keeps screaming about the pain and can't move. I feel my nervous breakdown coming back and tell Todd to rush him to the ER because I knew he was dying. Well, Todd agreed that something was not right, so off to the ER they went. A few x-rays and a few hours later, we learned that the pain was extreme constipation. Great. Did I mention we were out of network so the bill will probably wipe out the college fund? Anyway, we went home the next day and he is fine now.

So now you know what we were up to this Christmas. How was yours?
My little rascals.