Irony

I am driving down the road and the kids are totally out of control and going nuts in the mini v. Obviously speaking before thinking, I yell, "everyone quiet or I am going to pull over and you know what happens then."

" The only noise I want to hear is myself breathing."

(they are quietly laughing at me)

A few seconds pass and I drive by a sign that says "April is child abuse awareness month."

What a week

Well, sorry it has been a week since my last post blogger friends. It's been a busy week. What's kept me away you ask? Maybe I have been spending every free moment bonding with my children, instilling them with valuable life lessons. Or maybe I have been donating my free time to those in need, helping the elderly, feeding the poor, or better yet, maybe I have been cooking meals from scratch and ironing all of Todd's clothes for work and making our home a little slice of heaven for him.

Here is the sad truth. I got a new mouse pad from dell and it stinks so bad. I mean the smell is so noxious that I can't even come near my computer without gagging. Never mind that Todd, the kiddos or even my neighbor who I had come take a test sniff can't smell anything. But believe me, there is a certain rubbery smell that grosses me out. It must be my super mom sense - kind of like spider man and his spidey sense.

You may be wondering how I can manage to type right now. Only my love for you, my 4 devoted blog readers, is pushing me through right now. So I am going to get some coffee and then I will be back to tell you about my night of fun in little Mexico/ the ghetto. curious?

Things I learned in the middle of the night

I was up last night from 12:30-6:30 with a sick kid. I had a few revelations and thought I would pass them on to you.

1. Birds chirp at 1am. . . . right outside my window.
2. People do shop at walmart at 1:45 am. They are just weird, drunk, or crazy like me.
3. Counting sheep does not work (2 am)
4. Warm milk does nothing for inducing sleep. If anything, it makes you want a little snack. (2:10am)
5. I have always heard that watching kids and babies sleep is so peaceful. I must be a bad person. It made me bitter. (3 am)
6. I would not suggest plucking your eyebrows when you are sleep deprived and you can't turn on any lights except your flashlight. You will regret your decision when the sun comes up. (3:20am)
7. Spiders come out when it is dark. Wear socks (3:55am).
8. People can feel you staring at them when they are sleeping.
   They do not wake up happy when they realize you don't need anything. (4:10am)
9. People that tell you to call them anytime, really don't mean it. 5am
10. Only really sleep deprived, whacked out individuals blog before the sun is up.

My Brush With Death

Last night, about 6Pm, Todd and I loaded up the 4 kiddos in the mini -v for a family outing. We were about 1 mile from our home and the tornado sirens started going off like crazy. I look back at Todd (I was driving) and say, hey babe, should we go back home? He says nah. We look at the sky and it is totally bright and sunny, just a little gray way off in the distance. No big deal. I said, "Yeah, they are probably just testing them out."

This should have been warning number 1.

With complete lack of judgement we proceed and get on 35 south headed out to 820. I glance out to the right and it is really black and ominous. I'm thinking this doesn't look good and turn on the radio to catch the weather report. They are telling people to take cover immediately at Texas Motor Speedway because of hail. Ok, that's about 10 or so miles away, we're fine and we go on.

This should have been warning #2.

2 Minutes later the sky is completely black, with low circulating clouds. The radio says a major storm is about to hit us. We exit on 820 to go back home and we are sitting in the access road in major traffic and are told a tornado is near 35 headed our way.

I start freaking out. Kids are crying. Todd is craning his neck looking for a tornado. Traffic is not moving. I told Todd let's just leave our car here and run across the street to a nearby hotel. He said that is stupid. I said dying is stupid.

Traffic finally starts moving and we turn on the street to go home. Weather man says if you are at Beach st & 820, take cover immediately - baseball sized hail. Guess where we were. yep. That exact location.

Almost immediately, our car was pounded with hail. I am screaming "Oh my God we're going to die!" I tell the kids to duck and cover. Todd is yelling at me to quit yelling. I think he was scared.

I pick up my tennis back pack and drive with it over my head because I thought the hail was going to crash through the windows and knock me out and the mini-v would go out of control. I thought this was quick thinking like Jack Bauer but apparently is wasn't. Todd told me later the windshield would not have broken apart. How was I to know that. It's not something I usually talk about.

Then a tornado was reported a few miles where we were. I said Todd pray. He says not right now. WHAT. We are facing death. What was he thinking.

Todd:" God, keep us safe. amen."
The kids crying in fear: " That's not good enough."

More yelling from me that we are all going to die.

Todd makes me pull over although my driving was pretty awesome considering I was driving with one hand, holding a back pack over my head and ducking down during a rain/hail storm. He starts driving. Now I can really freak out from the back seat.

My sweet daughter asks if a tornado is bad. Todd says it can blow your house away. If you are a parent, I would suggest that you never say this. The result is not good.

The hail stops. We make it home and it is sunny again. Crazy Texas weather.

A few lessons learned:
*Tornado sirens go off for a reason.
*Never scream "We are going to die" in front of your kids.
*Near death experiences are not all they are cracked up to be.

Buy This Shirt

It's for a good cause. Some of my friends are walking in the 3 Day Breat Cancer Awareness walk here in Dallas. They need to raise 15K. The shirt if pretty cool and is only $20.
www.queensofthefight.com

Hot Married Talk

Todd: I hear all the fat, bald guys get babes.

Me: (looking at him) 1 out 2 isn't bad.

Doctor Visit

I went for a physical yesterday just for the heck of it . After the doctor checked me out, tested my reflexes (they were fast), listened to my breathing (just fine), took my blood pressure (116/68 for you curious ones out there), the doctor then asked me when my last tetanus shot was. I told her I probably never had one. Well, she told me it was imperative that I get one today. I was feeling a little bit on the naughty side since I had been waiting in the little room for about 1 hour reading the same heart burn advertisement. So I said , why do I need one and is it really necessary? The doctor did not take my questioning her obvious superior intellect very well. She took off her glasses and raised her voice and told me a tetanus infection is very serious and could lead to death, not a joking matter.

I think you see where this is headed.

I asked her about the following scenarios, you know, just in case:

Me: So if I was walking along a dirt road near an abandoned construction site and stepped on a really rusty nail and got a big cut in my foot, would I need a tetanus shot?

Doctor: yes

Me: If I was fishing and a big gust of wind caught my fishing line and the hook came around and stuck me in the arm, or head or somewhere fleshy, would I need a tetanus shot then?

Doctor: most definitely

Me: What if I was mugged by a homeless dude that was covered in old rusty piercings and one of the many piercings scratched me? Would it be necessary then?

Doctor: Do you want the shot or not?
Me: Do I get a lollipop?
Doctor: No

Me: Hmmm, I'll take my chances.

She left in a hurry. They probably coded my chart as a problem patient.

I finally posted some new pics of the kids so if you are interested, click on the link on the right.

Friday Night Fun

How long does it take a grown woman to get totally soaking wet in a massive rain storm?

27 seconds.

I do have a picture for proof. I will not publish unless there is a high demand.